Tuesday, 15 June 2010

After a long absence...

Where did I go? Where da fok did I get to on this blog...

It's bad etiquette just blowing out your blog, but as its a blog and no one can tell me what to do on it, I'm just going to indulge my conscience with a stream of excuse.

The film went totally out of my fairly incapable hands. Will and James started logging the 100 hours of film, and then, slowly, James started to work on an edit that we could take out to investors broadcasters and distributors. This took significantly longer than we ever factored in. I remember when we first went to Passion Pictures (you may know them from such documentaries as the new Rolling Stones one, One Day in September, Age of Stupid and My Kid Could Paint That), who, if Mission is any cop, are going to come on board at distribution and festival time. They asked how long we estimated the edit process would take, and Will said about 6 weeks and they kind of laughed, really nicely, at us.

Meaning. Yes, it is taking a lot longer than that.

And it will probably take a lot longer than the lot longer we imagined. Will and James are busy, they just moved into new (and well-flash) offices, and Mission is a passion project until I can secure some more funding from investors and the UK Film Council. Ah, see it isn't out of my hands.

Creatively though, I had no part in the process so I just carried on being a freelance journalist, doing a bit of telly and radio, and life reverted to normal.

Money is an on-going need and I did get myself out there on Mission's behalf. And doing this I met P.

P is a highly intelligent and accomplished character, who has a life of achievement behind him that I find surreal in its extraordinariness. He has lived in all sorts of interesting places, has climbed mountains, jumped from planes, made millions, he has helped whole towns come into being, and is, I think what they call in finance a big swinging dick without actually being a dick at all.

I was introduced to P by a woman I met while doing Panchakarma in India (she and I bonded over drinking warm ghee daily, which isn't anything I'd recommend in the moment, but I sure felt good when it was over and all my 'doxins' had released themselves). The woman listened to me talking about Tom and about our Mission to Lars and a penny dropped, "I think I know someone with F-X" she said. This was P. She asked him for some money for our film and he invested the largest sum of anyone. When we had shot the film I wrote to him saying thanks and describing some of our experiences.

A month or so later I went to visit. P has partial mutation F-X, this is what carriers have, while Tom has full mutation, which causes the mental disability - what I should, in PC terms, label his learning difficulty. Partial mutation can mean many things, it means you may pass F-X on to your children; it means you may develop depression, experience early menopause, it means that, particularly as a male, you are likely to develop an age-related neurodegenerative disorder, specifically fragile x associated tremor ataxia syndrome, somewhere in your early old age. and this is what happened to P.

I've been to visit P a few times now. And it's not really for me to write about his condition or his circumstances, but F-X has blighted his later life alright. safe to say that. he has this fierce superior intellect, he is connected to all the right people, he is treated by the world's foremost medical and clinical experts in the F-X field, Randi and Paul Hagerman (see blogs passim), he has permanent, gentle, superior care givers. He is, all things considered, fortunate - relatively. he is fortunate because, for no reason other than this, he knows the cause of his mystery illness is the inherited lack of a specific protein that causes Fragile X.

Randi Hagerman suggested to me that there are many millions of people around the world affected by F-X, including doctors, who have no idea what Fragile X is. If we can make an entertaining film AND provoke more interest in this little known, yet widely suffered, condition, then we will have achieved something.

Thing is, without the entertainment, the education won't happen.

So its all well and good feeling noble and that but its of no use in making watchable films.

Thankfully Will and James don't have delusions of self-importance and nobility, and it is in their hands at the moment. All I have to do is find money and fill out film fund forms. Which I return to doing now.

Nose turns grindstonewards... x

Friday, 12 March 2010

How many metallica fans does it take to cause a riot

There was rioting in Bogota last night outside Metallica's gig there: http://www.nme.com/news/metallica/50193
As I looked into this it soon be became apparent that the words riot and Metallica are often snuggled close in newspaper headlines.
Chile and Columbia is understandable, lifes not always great, people get pissed off when they can't get those things as basic to human need as food or a ticket to a Metallica show. But what about Sydney? Or even more incredible, the band even had it all kicking off in decent and mild mannered Canadia's second biggest city, Montreal.
Obviously Metallica didn't cause these riots themselves, they were on their private jet doing yoga stretches probably.
But they still deserve to be the Emperors of the Devil Horniverse

Saturday, 6 March 2010

Here are some pictures my SiL took of Tom, Will and our Mum looking a bit like a woolly bear in the Dartmoor gales. In the middle one Tom and Will look a bit like they're posing for a promo shot for a band, Dartmoor is a bit like Joshua Tree, isn't it?
The dog's called Cleo, she's a rescue labrador and her best mate is called Saffy who has lesbian tendencies (she is also a labrador). Cleo's boyfriend is called Hector, he is also a labrador, but he lives in one of Godalmings surrounding villages so Cleo doesn't get to see him as often as she'd like. Recently Hector, Cleo and Saffy clubbed together and killed our family's lovely cat (also a rescue animal). I'm writing like this is a primary school essay called, "A windy day" or "My pets". Where am I going with this? Ah yes. Nowhere. 
Tom is in Bristol this weekend with my Dad. I expect tonight they'll tuck into some "whikky" as Tom calls it. Our stepmum will have a cheap blend, like Grouse; Dad will offer Tom the pick of his selection and Tom will always, instinctively, point to the most expensive one like a billion year old Llagavulin or something. Cheers all! Have a great weekend. 


The Atlanta Journal-Constitution
12:11 p.m. Friday, February 26, 2010
Shawn Helbig can only read small words but knows every line of “High School Musical.”
He smiles easily, but struggles to hold a conversation.
The 27-year-old lives at home and holds a part-time job at a pet store.
Shawn has Fragile X Syndrome, which is the most common inherited form of mental impairment.
But he recently started taking a caramel-colored pill every day he hopes might help him communicate better, process thoughts more smoothly and put him more at ease in the world around him.
Shawn is Emory University’s first test patient in a clinical trial for the drug originally developed for anxiety disorders. It’s a drug that could maybe, just maybe, someday help him learn to live independently, like most 20-somethings.
The pill, which currently has no name and is identified only by a number, could be the very first pill to treat the root cause of an intellectual disability.
“Before, we could never do this,” said Dr. Jeannie Visootsak, who is running the clinical trial at Emory’s Fragile X Center. “This is the first time we are looking at treatment. I never thought we’d be here today. It’s amazing.”
Emory’s drug trial will ultimately enroll a total of 60 patients. In Atlanta, the total number will be about 15. In addition to Shawn, six more test patients in Atlanta have recently started taking the pill.
If the trials, being conducted by F. Hoffman-La Roche pharmaceutical company, are successful it could have far-reaching implications for other drug treatments — for disabilities long considered permanent and untreatable.
Up until now, doctors could only prescribe medicine for some of the symptoms of Fragile X patients, such as hyperactivity and anxiety. But researchers believe they are now on the cusp of being able to prescribe a drug to address the molecular basis of the disease.
Besides Roche’s clinical trial, a small number of other clinical trials are under way, including one in its early stages by Massachusetts-based Seaside Therapeutics and another one by Swiss drug maker Novartis AG in Europe. Their drugs might have a similar effect on Fragile X patients, but because of the competitive nature of drug development, it’s not clear who might be the first one to bring such a drug to market.
Researchers don’t expect the drug Shawn is taking to cure Fragile X, but they say it might alter the brain chemistry of people with the syndrome enough to improve the mental abilities of children and adults who have been labeled intellectually disabled or mentally retarded since childhood.
Helping a child with Fragile X have fewer tantrums and be less anxious and sensitive to sounds can let the child better concentrate and focus, and ultimately live a more normal life.
It’s a moment Emory has been building toward since 1991, when Dr. Stephen Warren, chairman of human genetics at Emory University’s School of Medicine, led a team of researchers who identified the gene on the X chromosome responsible for Fragile X.
Since then, researchers have made more breakthroughs in neuroscience to better understand how Fragile X affects the brain — and what could be done to reverse it.
Once a week Shawn, who lives at home with his parents and younger brother in Johns Creek, spends up to eight hours at the center, getting blood drawn and undergoing a physical exam to monitor the effects of the drug.
Shawn, who is considered highly functioning, hopes to see changes within himself.
“I want to be different,” he said.
Clad in jeans and pink oxfords, he pauses. His bashful smile disappears. His brown eyes turn serious.
“Maybe it will make me smarter,” he says.
His mother, Sandy Britt, holding back tears, also has big dreams for Shawn.
“This pill gives every parent hope,” she said. “If it’s 5 years or 10 years or 2 years, you can see there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.”
Others don’t understand
By the time Shawn was 2, his mother knew something wasn’t right.
His speech was delayed and he was prone to outbursts over little things like his wooden blocks tipping over. By kindergarten, Shawn still had trouble writing his name.
His teachers and day care workers dismissed the signs and told Britt she just needed to discipline her son. But when Shawn was 7, she took him to see a developmental pediatrician who diagnosed the boy with Fragile X.
As a child and teenager, Shawn took speech and language therapy. He took special education classes and work-study programs. He graduated from high school in 2001.
Britt said she has encouraged him to be independent. She lets him keep money in his wallet. He has a house key allowing to him be home for a few hours without supervision.
But Shawn lives a life of routine: Every morning, he gets up at 6 a.m. and eats a toasted bagel. At 1 p.m., he watches “All My Children.” At night, he shuts his door to his bedroom and sings along to the music of “High School Musical,” a movie he’s watched hundreds of times.
Britt said her son is a “big teddy bear,” and she often uses the word “sweet” to describe him.
Over the years, Shawn’s outbursts have become less frequent, but they can be intense. About 9 years ago while on a family vacation in Key West, Shawn fell apart during a star-gazing cruise. Britt said her son was eager to get on the yacht, but 10 minutes into the trip the darkness, the crowd and unfamiliar noises on the boat became too much. He screamed and cried, collapsed onto the floor and curled up in a fetal position.
“There were the stares and the looks and people saying things like ‘he must be drunk.’ Others were yelling, ‘I want my money back!’ ” she said. “You just never know when these things might happen.”
She devised a method to answer strangers’ stares. She carries in her purse laminated cards with a pale blue X and information about Fragile X.
“When you see Sean, you don’t think there’s anything wrong and then when people get a response that is not age- appropriate, they give him this look like, ‘What is wrong with you’ and then they look at me, like ‘And what is wrong with you?’ ” Britt said. “So I just give people this card. It’s just easier that way.”
Drugs show promise
About 100,000 Americans have Fragile X syndrome.
People with Fragile X lack an important protein known as “FMRP” that acts to regulate other important proteins in the brain. Without FMRP, which puts the brakes on other brain proteins, there’s an over-stimulation of brain connections that can impair brain development.
About four years ago, Luca Santarelli, vice president and global head of neuroscience at Roche, realized an experimental drug tested on anxiety disorders might also have an application for the over-production of proteins in Fragile X brains. Dr. Randi Hagerman, who directs the MIND Institute at the University of California, Davis, and is involved in multiple clinical trials for Fragile X medications, believes the experimental drugs are showing promise with improving language, eye contact and behavior.
“In the bigger picture, I think Fragile X will be one of the first disorders associated with intellectual disability with significant reversal,” she said.
She believes treating Fragile X could provide enormous opportunities to treat autism, which is closely related. While a third of people with Fragile X are also autistic, only between 2 and 6 percent of people with autism also have Fragile X.
Even with signs of promise, developing a treatment is a daunting proposition. Most experimental treatments fail to make it through the three phases of clinical testing needed before they can get FDA approval for use in the public. Still, with so many leaps in grasping how Fragile X affects the brain, Warren believes real help is within reach.
“You can look at these kids and you get this impression they know what’s going on and they are having a tough time expressing themselves and they have social anxiety,” he said. “There’s a light-behind-the-eyes sort of thing.”
Pill represents hope
Britt believes that since he began the drug trial, her son has become more communicative and his words less slurred and he makes better eye contact. But she admits the changes could just be her own wishful thinking. For his part, Shawn said he doesn’t have as much trouble talking.
Dr. Stephen Warren of Emory said it’s premature to make any conclusions: the study is double-blinded, which means only some of the participants are getting the experimental drug while others are simply given a placebo, and not even the doctors know who’s getting what.
With the trial in its fourth week, Shawn shows up with violets for Visootsak, who asks everyone to call her by her first name.
“Ah, how sweet. You make me smile,” said Visootsak. “My connection to Fragile X is patients like Shawn.”
Visootsak spends a lot of time talking to Shawn. She listens intently to him wistfully talk about his high school days, going to the prom in a limousine, his mom crying at his graduation.
Visootsak said she would love to see Shawn live independently someday.
For Britt, this pill represents the hope she’s clung to for decades.
And while she still carries those laminated cards in her purse, she clutches hope that there may be a day she can leave them behind.
“It may unlock what’s stuck in their minds,” she said. “Imagine having something locked up in your brain and you can’t get it out. Imagine the frustration that is there. ... You’ve just got to have hope because if you don’t have hope, you’ll live a downer of a life.”
----------------
About Fragile X
What is Fragile X syndrome?
Fragile X syndrome is the most common cause of inherited mental retardation, affecting about 1 in 4,000 boys and 1 in 8,000 girls. It can cause a range of mental impairment — from mild learning disabilities to severe intellectual disability. Physical features of Fragile X that may or may not be present include long ears, faces and jaws. Many children with Fragile X have behavioral challenges. Boys are more likely than girls to have trouble paying attention or being aggressive. Girls may be shy around new people.
What causes Fragile X?
It is an inherited mutation of a gene (FMR1), found on the x-chromosome. While the mutation is passed from parents to children, parents may have the mutation but not have Fragile X themselves. The gene normally makes a protein needed for brain development, but the mutation causes a person to make less or none of the protein.
Why are boys more affected than girls?
Boys are generally more affected than girls because girls have two X chromosomes and the one without the mutation can partially compensate for the non-functioning one.
SOURCE: University of Michigan Health System, National Institutes of Health

Thursday, 4 March 2010

when we were all in the RVs we watched this and chuckled til our eyes leaked water and i needed a wee wee

if you like metallica, you HAVE to listen to this
if you like a laugh, you HAVE to listen to this
if you're a bit boring, well, go back to watching countdown and keep calm and carry on

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m3m6RM_PTLg&feature=related

if you enjoyed it, now listen to the second part

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=59xskijoM-g

mission accomplished-ish

"Grrrrrrrrrrr yeah, Metallikaaaargh!" Hamming it up with devil horns and middle fingers. (Is James preparing himself for a lap dance. Will looks like a scary rabbit. Leigh can't be scary, neither can Ben. Or me. Those T shirts are mostly ripped off, bought off the pavement some distance from the merch stand - which is embarrassing. Tom hangs on to his dignity.)

Mission to Lars cast/crew , Orangeland RV Park (No 1 RV park in America), December 2009

I haven't posted anything for a while because not much has happened, except me and Will biting each others heads off whenever we chat for more than 2 seconds about the film. Everyone's been trying to get their bank balances back to normal, lacking a rich mummy and/or daddy to bank roll our little project, we've had to squeeze it in between real live money work. this isn't so bad for me, but for will and james its quite hard.

Anyway, all the rushes are logged now (or whatever it is you do with a rush) and we're getting the dialogue transcribed and we're ready to roll with the edit now.

Someone suggested we go to a TV channel with a teaser and get an executive on board for the edit.

Someone else suggested we just make our film.

An awful lot of really interesting people still want to help us, which is pretty awesome dude.

James just sent me this picture, it was taken after the mission ended but before me and Will actually couldn't be in same room as each other. We all look quite happy. This was a sort of a wrap party, we'd gone to a student Japanese in Newport Beach and then had some lager in a kebab house by the marina. Do you think the wrap party for Avatar was like that. The large black shiny thing is a Metallica beach ball (and why not?)

Sadly, I am looking like an aerobics instructor while the others look quite metal. Tom looks really happy, and that's good, because he wasn't a lot of the time. One of the cameramen got a Mission to Lars tattoo after me and Will and Tom left to go back to England. (The other crew stayed on because they wanted to do lots of filmic pick ups (and go to titty bars)...)

I was chatting to the lead singer of Hot Hot Heat the other day. They put out their own albums now. Independent can mean truly independent these days. Or we could go taster in hand to the TV channels and see if they like us any more now that the film is made.

I'd better stop blogging as I have a deadline and I'm sitting in the London Library with only 5 hours left to do it in and I have to fit in a quick snooze and lunch as well. Such is the hectic pace of a freelance journalist life.

Tuesday, 19 January 2010

I'll be back


I have not forgotten this blog, I am just working my ass off trying to make the money I never made last year while I was pimping my ass out for raising the money for the film, and generally doing the film, and generally not making a penny and messing badly with the whole concept of cashflow, by sticking everything on American Express.

I've got a heap of stuff I'd like to unravel my brain into this blog on, but for now, it's deadlynz are us, and a heavy application of discipline.

I also did no exercise the whole time we were working on this film and I have this unsightly stress and laziness induced jelly roll, a nasty ass bit of flubber, round my midriff, which could do with a little work as well.

So I'm feeling less Mazel Tof, more Muffin Top

Tom, also, is digging back in at Bystock. He was angry and arrogant at times over Christmas, which is good, I think. But the parents weren't so sure. I wonder if they think it was a bad idea?

Who knows, we try not to talk deeply as a family, there's just too many of us to get in a stew about.

God love em all.

Meanwhile, my ex-boyfriend hates me I think, probably because I repeated some things he told me about telly folk, and because I said Tom had a better sense of humour than him in this blog. Ah well, we hated each other anyway.

Public, that's where you air dirty laundry. Let it breathe!


I'll be back. (Another one of Tom's heroes, pre Lars)...


hit this for hours (moments) of Arnie joy

Thursday, 7 January 2010

big movie thinkings, therapy, family denial and a woman who likes to talk about anal sex

So I had a conversation with this person who I will not name who is right in the thick of it all, it all, regards movies. They urged me to raise way way more than what I am currently looking for to finish the film, in order to cover my marketing back and to ensure that people took us seriously. The person said that what we have actually achieved now needs to be analysed by a story editor to decide which way to take it. Repeatedly, as everyone does, I was told that documentaries make no money at the cinema.

The conversation went on for a long time and does not likely have a value in repeating as I like this person very much and felt very touched that they wanted to help. Names were dropped, in a very unselfconscious fashion, which forced me to think, can I front it out with such people, and be a splendid self-believing compulsive achiever. I felt a combination of bumbling fool, plain excited, and concerned about my working relationship with James and William. If I throw the weight of major ambitions behind Mission to Lars then it becomes a bigger and more brutal organism than the sweet journey we initially forsaw. The sweet journey which it was, admittedly very occasionally, will be lost in any attempt to make a majorly marketable product.

So much argument is inherent in a collaboration, even of this size, and I have always been a highly confrontation averse person. The reason we argued a lot on the trip was not just the pressure of the whole situation, it was also down to mistrust, nerves and poor communication around each other, aka, my poor people skills. I assume feelings like this exist on big projects of any nature, unless we're talking the Disney version of business where everyone drinks coffee and eats biscuits and says, "Great" a lot. I suppose I need to fight on and not shrink away from wrestling out the small print and big ideas alike.

My heart's not in telling the truth in this blog so I am going to stop. It's all looking a bit opaque, and dull. I'm sure what I am really trying to say will surface more clearly at a later date.

Onwards and upwards, much to look forward to this year. Like, umm, my tax return and the spot on my chin getting smaller.

Should get my tests back soon to see if I am a premutation F-X carrier. Which will inspire a lot more focussed thought. We talked a lot about this over Christmas, about all the symptoms F-X carriers display and the family members who may have displayed them. (An awful lot of it was piss taking and general shouty bossiness along the lines of, "No, you are definitely a depressive, I know you are," when someone says they're not. And things like, "Well, maybe she was just like that and it had nothing to do with the F-X". Or, "loads of people are like that, its not necessarily an F-X thing", basically your typical evasive, avoidance rich, science lite, family discussion. No one in the family seems that keen on talking at length or depth though. That's how families get by, isn't it. God, imagine if a family was like group therapy. Erk to the power of 10. Orphan me, now!


Having said all that, the family of Metallica has done an awful lot of group therapy.  I refer you to the most blinding rockumentary ever made, Some Kind of Monster. In fact, I might just ditch my dinner plans and stay in and watch it. Got to go now, have to interview a lady who specialises in, among other things, explaining the pleasures of anal sex. I can't wait.



Thursday, 31 December 2009

qualifying last night's post

Honestly, things are all fine enough, I just think Tom had it up to here with a mountain of squawking rellies, and the trip boosted his confidence and communication skills, we were a flat organisational structure, with no real hierarchy, and suddenly he's back struggling with a hoard of so called normal people who aren't necessarily putting communicating with him first, that unseemly self-organising hierarchy that is a typically dysfunctional family. It's probably just a bloody pain and he can't be arsed with it. Know the feeling.

I'm just going to take him up a cup of tea - still loafing in his bed at midday - and see if we aren't getting on better today. Him and Will had a grand time planning Tom's big business idea, The Club, which he wants to build in the woods behind Bystock. So I really do think its about giving him time and concentrating on that, not always easy at these mass festive clan gatherings.

More about The Club later. (It's a quiet nightclub, for blokes, and for favoured unannoying females. Metallica's head of security, Tom, is to be headhunted for the door, and for coming in for whiskeys and banter later. There's going to be a huge open fire.)

So Tom just came down and he's gone off to get the papers and we're getting on fine, so it's cool beans. He says he wants to go back to Bystock today. Mum would like him to stay for NYE, but I know that Tom is missing his best mate, Geoff, and if Geoff is back at Bystock too then that's where Tom should be.

Here are some more of Tom's pictures. This one is of the sound dude, Ben, map-reading, a near permanent job (along with holding the dodgy sat nav into a plug socket while running the generator while driving), in one of the RVs.



The rest are in transit, from the RV window.






Happy New Year, think 2010 going to be an arsehole, but that's just the shit in my head it's not an astrological prediction.

Wednesday, 30 December 2009


Tom is being dead reclusive and doesn't seem very happy. He didn't enjoy a lot of the America trip and he's not afraid to tell people that it was boring. I went upstairs to try and ask him what was wrong with him today and feed him more sandwiches as he's not that interested in coming down for meals, but he just turned away from me and refused to speak, other than to nod his head when I asked if he wanted me to leave the room.

Any nice warm feeling of doing something nice for our brother is seeping away and I am wondering if I actually have made things worse for him. His frustration levels seem to be high, having all communicated pretty well in the US we now barely communicate at all. Not sure where my heads at with this?

Anyway, here are some more of Tom's disposable camera shots.


I think you'll agree they have a certain Martin Parr-esque banality


this computer shot out of a cupboard on a bad corner not long after this. my insurance didn't cover it. buggery!

Tuesday, 29 December 2009

Tom's photo's from the shoot



Tom took a lot of pictures on his big bundle of disposable cameras, and here are just a few of them.
1, Will working in Mamaly's flat, when we first arrived in LA. 2, Will, James and Tom in the lobby of the last hotel we stayed in before we picked up the RV. 3&4, Driving from Bear Mountain to Anaheim, view from the RV window.

We're all at Mum's at the moment, trying to rest up after a big, mad, family Christmas. Tom's escaping squeaky kids n just as squeaky grown ups by sitting in his room all day listening to heavy metal.

He's not the first to do that, and he sure won't be the last.

We just wrote a thank you letter to Lars, Tom kept wanting to ask to see him again, and ask him whether he wants to come to Mum's for cottage pie. We thought maybe we'd wait on that front. He probably isn't ready for an invite to Ashburton for a kitchen supper just yet, I mean he's hard and heavy and knows a lot about art n all that, but cottage pie in Devon. Fooph, that's mental.

Happy New Year, yessirree.