Wednesday, 18 November 2009

Our really first proper day of filming, hopefully my last day of stoopid panic

I slept about 3 hours last night, woke at 4am with my mind racing and it didn't stop racing til Will turned up to start our first day of proper on the road filming. The frets that were coursing through my brain covered everything, from the fact I should stop drinking caffeine to the fear that my cough is in fact lung cancer. In between these opposite ends of the spectrum were largely worries about the film: will i go bankrupt? will it be shit? will it belittle tom and make me and will look like gigantic ARSES, are we underqualified and overconfident (in truth no problem there, many films are made be the under/over crew), worse are we underqualified and underconfident, can we make Tom work under these insane conditions, how am I going to get the money pledged turned into money in the bank; how can we possibly make the film on such a low budget, is the increasing move on line by newspapers going to mean that I am effectively out of a job by the end of the decade, will i ever get over how much of a massive spin out i had at the weekend (IN PUBLIC), what do we do if tom refuses to come at the airport, am i experiencing middle aged spread, what if i never sleep again, and how come William appears to have no respect for me. don't get me started on the bloody party: what if no one comes, what if the party costs more than our party budget, what if what if what if.
my eyes were like mashed strawberry jelly by the time i got off to sleep round 6.50am. At 7am William turned up with the camera rolling...
Basically I am really stressed out.
And then today happened, we drove down to Bystock to see Tom and to start the Mission to Lars in earnest, and as soon as I saw him, despite still in a state of sleep deprived wiggage, I knew we were doing a bloody brilliant thing. Yes, there are some complex challenges ahead, but if you just stop, breathe, think, care, be yourself, be kind, believe, all will be fine. It helped that Tom made us all, the whole crew (Will, Tom, James and Lee and me) a nice cup of tea and took us all into the ballroom at Bystock for, "A meeting."

Tom loves a meeting.

So much good stuff happened today after such a wibbly wobbly start... I don't really know where to start.

But being rather short of sleep, I'm going to keep this back for tomorrow when I'll be truly back in the happy room and out of this phase of hairy, but always essential, doubt.

Mission to Lars is launched, proper. Tom's in (although he could decide not to be at any time, but it's our job to keep him on course and feeling safe), we're all so deep in we would be beyond bereft to give up. And...more tomorrow. Got. To. Sleep.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Sleep well. Keep going. Don't panic. You're doing everything right, I think so anyway. Just try and relax now, most of the hard work is almost done. Go with the flow. Your natural chemistry will sell it. You needn't make any more effort than that. Just be yourself and it will all come right. xx