Thai River, buddy therapy

I went for Thai with some of my best ever girlchums last night. Poor Will came along, describing himself as "the gay at the hen", and naturally conversation turned to our crazy plan that just might work. The enthusiasm and shared excitement was thrilling, and made me feel jolly happy. That happiness is cutting through the fog in my brain (why do I always have two drinks too many?).
Will and I have got very used to a kind of negative undercurrent that runs through a lot of meetings with various media professionals, the 'can't do' attitude of big risk averse organisations. I don't begrudge them this, it's totally understandable. But it serves to demotivate and dispirit passionate newcomers to the game.
Just the night before last I'd been sitting mulling over the project with a guy who has spent a long time working in teevee and by the end of the conversation I was near suicidal and chewing my knuckles, rocking back and forth, sweating in anticipation of our imminent failure. In a way though, it was good; where with a normal project you could, possibly, just let it fizzle and phut to a non-starter filed under 'self belief failed to launch', with this one there is Tom to consider. We cannot let him down. Tom's dream is our mission.
I had to gird the loins of my confidence and get the fuck on with the task in hand, no room for flap rabbiting about and concentrating on the negatives.
Will and James, who will be making the film with one other cameraman, have a lot of experience. They both have interesting and original views of the world. Sitting in teevee offices I see the same cautions and concerns that you don't get from film people. Film people offer constructive advice and always end their conversations with, 'Just get out there and make it'.
Now, in a more confident state, with the whiny naysayers behind me, I have to say that I am a kind of glad that teevee isn't taking a risk on the project in the form we want to make it in. I want to make the film we want to make, funny and honest, not confected into some camera ready emotional tellybox shape. I'm laughing now at the suggestion that I am 'cold'. By that they mean, I assume, that I can't grin from ear to ear, weep on demand or get sentimental and mawkish about everything.
Christ alive, if we were all like that nothing would ever get done and Kleenex would be worth more than Microsoft.
Anyway, I love telly, and I love film. Hopefully we'll get the film on both. So I'll stop here before I've shot my foot full off, because with the other one in my mouth, I'll fall to the ground and hurt my bum.